Skip to main content

The Five Stages of Sheen

Some say there was a time when Charlie Sheen (who?) was an angry man. His madness led him (and us) through a gauntlet of pop culture memes that were forgotten almost as quickly as they took our attention hostage. And while some might grieve the loss of those shining Sheen moments, the mourning process was brief.

The Five Stages of Sheen:

Stage-One: Denial – Charlie believes that he is ‘King of the World’ without realizing that his career is on a sinking ship. So he gets fired from his very successful job and discovers that he can attract even more attention by developing tee-shirt slogans.

Stage-Two: Anger – Even though everything appears to be ‘winning,’ the world for which he is king starts to turn on him. And he responds to that world with a stage tour (where the opening acts were more entertaining than the “Platoon” star) and rat-pack-like video podcasts that are only seen by a handful of people who also believe that Sheen was just playing himself in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”

Stage-Three: Bargaining – Can he get his job back on “Two and a Half Man”? Nope. They killed of his doppelganger Charlie Harper. Can he get his goddesses back? Nope. They had to go back to high school or living in their parent’s basements or acting in soft porn productions of movies that could have titles like “Wall Streak” “Pink Dawn” and “Hot Shots of Love – Part-26.”

Stage-Four: Depression – Charlie… disappeared off the pop culture radar. The headlines dissolved. The tweets flew away. “Two and a Half Men” became one-and-a-half-men-plus-Ashton-Kutcher-minus-Demi-Moore-divided-by-okay-ratings. The tiger-blood wasn’t boiling anymore and the rock-star-from-Mars hung up his “Winning” tee beside his Frankie Goes to Hollywood “Relax” shirt (which he now uses when he is cutting the lawn on Sunday afternoons.)

Stage-five: Acceptance – Charlie Sheen is (sort of) back. He’s in commercials. He has been making sedate appearances on award shows. And he’s got a new TV series on the way.

“As kids we're not taught how to deal with success; we're taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?” You know who said that? Charlie Sheen. Slap that puppy on a bumper sticker.




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Norah Jones is Back

There was a time in my life when I use to consume music instead of food. Ironically, when my career (in radio) got too busy or convoluted, 'my' music got lost in my life-mix that was dominated by the tunes I had to play to make a living. The Archies, Anne Murray, Celine Dion, Glass Tiger, Garth Brooks and Craig Ruhnke are currently NOT on my personal playlist. Sorry. I have sadly not schooled my five year old much in my world of musical misadventure. So through outside osmosis, Abi has unfortunately picked up on her own things including Justin Bieber. (For the longest time, she though he was singing "Baybit baybit baybit whoa!") She went through a Spice Girls phase (no) thanks to her grandmother and uncle. That was an unfortunate time in all of our lives -- especially since I was getting to the point where I could identify which Spice Girl was singing which lyric. P But I am trying to change that. And her education has to start with my re-education. Part o...
Post a Comment
Read more

How to Get Chris Brown Rich

If you follow Chris Brown’s lead, there are just a couple of things that you have to do to climb the ladder of Forbes’ success just like he’s doing:   Have hit songs that no one can name or hum. Tattoo almost every part of your body in an effort to… oh… um… I don’t know – maybe to be Lil’ Wayne. Beat the hell of your ‘bitch’ and still manage to come out of it with a reputation of being the bad guy that’s not really all that bad at all. Share a name with practically every other Caucasian   guy that I personally know. Take pictures of your naked self in what had to a funhouse mirror that makes EVERYTHING seem too long and too thin and then claim innocence and bewilderment when that picture that you took with your phone mysteriously ended up on the internet.
Post a Comment
Read more

Daydream Believer -- Davy Jones -- Dead at 66

The Monkees were a major part of my pop culture upbringing and an early introduction to rock and roll for so many Generation-X’rs. I would rush home from St. Patrick’s Separate School at the end of the day just to see the Pre-Fab Four’s show. And even though I personally was a Mickey Dolenz fan, Davy Jones owned the hearts of the group’s female fan base. Davy Jones passed away this morning. He suffered a heart attack in Florida. He was 66. I remember my father mocking me and questioning why I liked the show and the music. It was clear from the beginning that inspiration for The Monkees was born from the fanatical success of The Beatles – and that The Monkees were ‘cast’ in their roles as members of a band. In the sixties, there was little appreciation for their music by the industry – partially because Jones and Dolenz along with Michael Nesmith and Peter Tork had little to no control over the music. That would change. Nesmith and Tork were musicians. Jones, like Dolenz, was predomina...
Post a Comment
Read more