POP KILTER

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How to Get Chris Brown Rich

If you follow Chris Brown’s lead, there are just a couple of things that you have to do to climb the ladder of Forbes’ success just like he’s doing: Have hit songs that no one can name or hum. Tattoo almost every part of your body in an effort to… oh… um… I don’t know – maybe to be Lil’ Wayne. Beat the hell of your ‘bitch’ and still manage to come out of it with a reputation of being the bad guy that’s not really all that bad at all. Share a name with practically every other Caucasian guy that I personally know. Take pictures of your naked self in what had to a funhouse mirror that makes EVERYTHING seem too long and too thin and then claim innocence and bewilderment when that picture that you took with your phone mysteriously ended up on the internet.

How Would Your Life Change if Justin Bieber Went to Jail?

Justin Bieber was cited for speeding in LA which confirms what I always thought – that fame is a gateway drug. I suppose the dictionary might not define fame as a narcotic. But a drug is “a substance that has a physiological effect when ingested or otherwise introduced into the body.” And I think that fits what fame can do to a being. Generally a drug is something that you work hard to get and work harder to get again. You crave it. You think about it all the time. You imagine there is nothing you would do to score again. You obsess about it. And when it’s in your system, you think you own the world. You rule the universe. You think you are a golden god. You think you can do it all. You think you are invincible. You think you have rights beyond the rights of so called normal men. Certainly in the right context some of these can be admirable traits. This might be the way you think of certain people in your life; your mom, your dad, Steven Jobs, the guy who played U...

Sienna Miller and Ernest Borgnine’s Next Collaborative Effort

Sienna Miller has given birth to her first child who is the reincarnated soul of Ernest Borgnine. It’s got to be true. While the GI Joe star and her Pirate Radio boyfriend welcomed one little life into this world, another Hollywood bright light was extinguished. Borgnine was 95-years-old. And for as much as people might remember him best for is Oscar winning turn in ‘Marty’ or for ‘McHale’s Navy,’ my memories of this strange little actor run the gambit from Cabbie in ‘Escape From New York’ to his appearance on Fox News four years ago when he told the world that his secret to a long life and a youthful complexion was that he masturbated… a lot! But for some reason, the first thing I think about when someone mentions Borgnine’s name is Eugene Levy’s SCTV imitation of the extreme-eye-browed perpetually smiling and laughing actor. Even though Borgnine was 95-years-old, I believe in my head and heart that he was not done doing whatever it is that he had to do on this planet....

TomKat is on the Prowl and... Oh Look! Something Shiny.

Ahhh, Facebook cried. Did you hear the news? What, the world whined back. Tell us tell us tell us! Tom and Katie… Tom and Katie? Tom and Katie… Facebook repeated. Tom and Katie what?! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes… have split up! She moved out. She took Katie Junior with her. She got her own place oin New York. They’re getting a… d-i-v-o-r-c-e! Silence. DIdn’t you read me? Facebook yelled. Everyone is talking about it. The story… its gone viiiiiral! Oh-ya. Right-right. Tom and Katie… broken up… ya-ya… tell me something I didn’t know was going to happen. And so it goes. The world spins. Life goes on. And TomKat is on the prowl. I’ve only been following this tragic (sarcasm) inevitable (not-sarcasm) story through the headlines that the story generates and its annoying Facebook dominance. It would seem that there are a lot more people out there who care about this story than I do. And there are a select group of folk who were actually surprised ...

The Five Stages of Sheen

Some say there was a time when Charlie Sheen (who?) was an angry man. His madness led him (and us) through a gauntlet of pop culture memes that were forgotten almost as quickly as they took our attention hostage. And while some might grieve the loss of those shining Sheen moments, the mourning process was brief. The Five Stages of Sheen: Stage-One: Denial – Charlie believes that he is ‘King of the World’ without realizing that his career is on a sinking ship. So he gets fired from his very successful job and discovers that he can attract even more attention by developing tee-shirt slogans. Stage-Two: Anger – Even though everything appears to be ‘winning,’ the world for which he is king starts to turn on him. And he responds to that world with a stage tour (where the opening acts were more entertaining than the “Platoon” star) and rat-pack-like video podcasts that are only seen by a handful of people who also believe that Sheen was just playing himself in “Ferris Buel...

Up In the Air with Vera

I fell in love with the word ‘hubris’ watching Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air.” When George Clooney’s Ryan meets Farmiga’s Alex in the hotel bar for the first time, there is a crisp comfortable quiet prideful tension between the two. It starts as a competition of sorts as they shuffle through each other’s loyalty cards. The conversation is boastful and playful. There’s sexiness in the tone of their voices too. It’s more than a whisper but less than a diaphragm delivered dialogue. And then she says it. With a crooked little smile and a slight breathy laugh, Alex asks Ryan to show her ‘some hubris.’ Double entendre aside, the invitation that eventually leads to Farmiga’s uber-sultry slow walk across the hotel bedroom to a burrito’d and floored Clooney is enticing. At that moment, I fell in love with her. At that moment, there was no one sexier than Vera Farmiga – with the possible exception of George Clooney.