POP KILTER

No surprise. The new Spider-Man movie was number-one at the box office this past weekend. With a flash of heat that’s finally hitting the whole continent, a lot of people are escaping to the air conditioned comfort of the theatres. And for all those who couldn’t get in to see Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone swing from atop Manhattan’s favourite landmarks with Denis Leary taking pot shots at Peter Parker’s masked alter ego, they went to see the Katy Perry movie instead. Fine. Perry’s movie, like Justin Bieber’s before her, will be a hit. I have no problem with that. But I think it’s mainly because of Spider-Man. Spider-Man was always been a favourite of mine. I seem to remember him being my first superhero. Batman was a close second. Superman just pissed me off. Flash was cool. Sub Mariner was better than Aqua Man. Green Lantern and Green Arrow shared a loft in the village. And Wonder Woman was Linda Carter and that’s a story about a whole other stage of my development. B...

If you follow Chris Brown’s lead, there are just a couple of things that you have to do to climb the ladder of Forbes’ success just like he’s doing:   Have hit songs that no one can name or hum. Tattoo almost every part of your body in an effort to… oh… um… I don’t know – maybe to be Lil’ Wayne. Beat the hell of your ‘bitch’ and still manage to come out of it with a reputation of being the bad guy that’s not really all that bad at all. Share a name with practically every other Caucasian   guy that I personally know. Take pictures of your naked self in what had to a funhouse mirror that makes EVERYTHING seem too long and too thin and then claim innocence and bewilderment when that picture that you took with your phone mysteriously ended up on the internet.

Justin Bieber was cited for speeding in LA which confirms what I always thought – that fame is a gateway drug. I suppose the dictionary might not define fame as a narcotic. But a drug is “a substance that has a physiological effect when ingested or otherwise introduced into the body.” And I think that fits what fame can do to a being. Generally a drug is something that you work hard to get and work harder to get again. You crave it. You think about it all the time. You imagine there is nothing you would do to score again. You obsess about it. And when it’s in your system, you think you own the world. You rule the universe. You think you are a golden god. You think you can do it all. You think you are invincible. You think you have rights beyond the rights of so called normal men.   Certainly in the right context some of these can be admirable traits. This might be the way you think of certain people in your life; your mom, your dad, Steven Jobs, the guy who played U...

Sienna Miller has given birth to her first child who is the reincarnated soul of Ernest Borgnine. It’s got to be true. While the GI Joe star and her Pirate Radio boyfriend welcomed one little life into this world, another Hollywood bright light was extinguished. Borgnine was 95-years-old. And for as much as people might remember him best for is Oscar winning turn in ‘Marty’ or for ‘McHale’s Navy,’ my memories of this strange little actor run the gambit from Cabbie in ‘Escape From New York’ to his appearance on Fox News four years ago when he told the world that his secret to a long life and a youthful complexion was that he masturbated… a lot! But for some reason, the first thing I think about when someone mentions Borgnine’s name is Eugene Levy’s SCTV imitation of the extreme-eye-browed perpetually smiling and laughing actor. Even though Borgnine was 95-years-old, I believe in my head and heart that he was not done doing whatever it is that he had to do on this planet....

Ahhh, Facebook cried. Did you hear the news? What, the world whined back. Tell us tell us tell us! Tom and Katie… Tom and Katie? Tom and Katie… Facebook repeated. Tom and Katie what?! Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes… have split up! She moved out. She took Katie Junior with her. She got her own place oin New York. They’re getting a… d-i-v-o-r-c-e! Silence. DIdn’t you read me? Facebook yelled. Everyone is talking about it. The story… its gone viiiiiral! Oh-ya. Right-right. Tom and Katie… broken up… ya-ya… tell me something I didn’t know was going to happen. And so it goes. The world spins. Life goes on. And TomKat is on the prowl. I’ve only been following this tragic (sarcasm) inevitable (not-sarcasm) story through the headlines that the story generates and its annoying Facebook dominance. It would seem that there are a lot more people out there who care about this story than I do. And there are a select group of folk who were actually surprised ...

Some say there was a time when Charlie Sheen (who?) was an angry man. His madness led him (and us) through a gauntlet of pop culture memes that were forgotten almost as quickly as they took our attention hostage. And while some might grieve the loss of those shining Sheen moments, the mourning process was brief. The Five Stages of Sheen: Stage-One: Denial – Charlie believes that he is ‘King of the World’ without realizing that his career is on a sinking ship. So he gets fired from his very successful job and discovers that he can attract even more attention by developing tee-shirt slogans. Stage-Two: Anger – Even though everything appears to be ‘winning,’ the world for which he is king starts to turn on him. And he responds to that world with a stage tour (where the opening acts were more entertaining than the “Platoon” star) and rat-pack-like video podcasts that are only seen by a handful of people who also believe that Sheen was just playing himself in “Ferris Buel...

I fell in love with the word ‘hubris’ watching Vera Farmiga in “Up in the Air.” When George Clooney’s Ryan meets Farmiga’s Alex in the hotel bar for the first time, there is a crisp comfortable quiet prideful tension between the two. It starts as a competition of sorts as they shuffle through each other’s loyalty cards. The conversation is boastful and playful. There’s sexiness in the tone of their voices too. It’s more than a whisper but less than a diaphragm delivered dialogue. And then she says it. With a crooked little smile and a slight breathy laugh, Alex asks Ryan to show her ‘some hubris.’ Double entendre aside, the invitation that eventually leads to Farmiga’s uber-sultry slow walk across the hotel bedroom to a burrito’d and floored Clooney is enticing. At that moment, I fell in love with her. At that moment, there was no one sexier than Vera Farmiga – with the possible exception of George Clooney.

Researchers working with the West Hollywood Sherriff’s Department have uncovered the truth about sometimes-retired actress Amanda Bynes – that she is actually sort of human and as much of a screw up as everyone else in L.A. The “What a Girl Wants”/“She’s the Man”/“Easy ‘A’” star was arrested at about three o’clock Friday morning on suspicion of drunk driving after her black BMW struck (of all things) a patrol car stopped at an intersection. No one but Bynes reputation and my sensibilities were injured but Miss Amanda was arrested for driving under the influence. So what have we learned here? One. We all mistakes. Two. The bigger they are, the harder they fa… well, the more medium they are on a slow news day, the harder the wire services fall for a non-story. Three. There is more than one way to become best friends with Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus but this way works the best.

Someone mentioned the name ‘Barlow’ to me this morning and my mind stumbled back to the early nineties when I was on the air at a radio station in St. Catharines, Ontario. We were presenting a couple of Moxy Fruvous shows at a high school. The opening act for night-one was a Toronto band called The Gravelberrys featuring Paul Myers. The next night, The Tom Barlow Band was starting on stage. Tom Barlow had a bit of a Corey Hart meets David and David means Shawn Mullins vibe. I hope he would take that as a compliment – not so pouty though. His songwriting was clean and crisp. And he liked to have fun with his music. I remember listening to his independent CD thinking that these tunes were catchy. (That’s a compliment too.) I liked the idea that it felt like I was discovering music before anyone else knew it existed so I could say “I knew him when…” It wasn’t long after those shows that Barlow (he’s just Barlow now) released his self-title...

There was a time in my life when I use to consume music instead of food. Ironically, when my career (in radio) got too busy or convoluted, 'my' music got lost in my life-mix that was dominated by the tunes I had to play to make a living. The Archies, Anne Murray, Celine Dion, Glass Tiger, Garth Brooks and Craig Ruhnke are currently NOT on my personal playlist. Sorry. I have sadly not schooled my five year old much in my world of musical misadventure. So through outside osmosis, Abi has unfortunately picked up on her own things including Justin Bieber. (For the longest time, she though he was singing "Baybit baybit baybit whoa!") She went through a Spice Girls phase (no) thanks to her grandmother and uncle. That was an unfortunate time in all of our lives -- especially since I was getting to the point where I could identify which Spice Girl was singing which lyric. P But I am trying to change that. And her education has to start with my re-education. Part o...

I decided I don't want to be Sinbad (neither the entertainer nor the sailor.) I have nothing against the guy. He had one hell of a career – especially in the nineties. He was in a hit TV show (‘A Different World’) and he did movies (‘Houseguest’ upstaging the late great Phil Hartman) but by the turn of the century things turned mediocre and I'm not sure why. There are two types of people in this world – those who like Sinbad and those who don’t. There’s no in-between. In 2004, Comedy Central named Sinbad one of the top-100 comedians of all time. Two years later, Maxim magazine named him the worst comedian of all time. He made another top-ten list too – top ten tax offenders in California owing Uncle Sam over 2.5 million dollars leading him to bankruptcy and Celebrity Apprentice (where he was fired in the second show.) I have nothing against the man. But there was never a time in my life when I said "Oh. It stars Sinbad! Let's watch that!" Of course I would imagine...

The autopsy is in. This was a big deal. TMZ streamed the results live online. Smartphone alerts were beeping all around the globe. Tests determined that Whitney Houston died as a result of drowning in her hotel bathroom. But it’s more complicated than that. It always is. There was cocaine in her system. Not a lot. But the narcotic did affect her heart. Some say Houston did have it all. She had a chance to do what she loved and she did it well. She found love and had a child. But in the end, she couldn’t hold on to everything that she thought she wanted and deserved. P.J. O’Rourke once said, “If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power.” No coroner’s report can test for that.

I’m surprised my world is not ruled more by resentment. As a matter of fact the list of people I don’t envy can easily be made up by the sad souls from one show – Dancing With the Stars. I don’t think becoming a contestant of DWTS is necessarily a last ditch plea for 15-more minutes of pseudo-fame – though it might be considered a cry for help-wanted. Gladys Knight won eight Grammys! And she’s 67-years old. What the hell is she doing on this show? Jaleel ‘Steve Urkel’ White is dancing this year. He’s more neck than specs now. Plus he’s threatening to pull out the old Urkel moves. Nothing to envy there. And of course there is the saddest case of all. Who the hell is Tom Bergeron and why is he in our lives? Where’s Bob Saget when you need him.

I was sitting in a McDonalds trying not to listen to the conversation between four teenage girls talking about how they can’t get drunk on American beer; when an eighties classic came pouring out of the restaurant’s satellite radio feed like maple syrup on a cold day. The song was Christopher Cross’ “Sailing.” The tune was a monster winning three Grammys. A couple of years later, Cross even won an Oscar for “Arthur’s Theme.” But listening to this saccharine slice of GenX’s paralyzed past made me wonder – how many people between 1980 and 1983 lost their virginity to “Sailing takes me away… To where I’ve always heard it… Just the dream and the wind to carry me… Soon I will be free.” It was an odd thought to have while downing my McDouble and a Shamrock shake. On the other hand, I do have an appreciation for light adult contemporary gold and the remarkably hopeless effects of Old Milwaukee.

I'd like to think that our personal life-soundtracks are always evolving. It's easy to listen back to the music we liked or loved and say that we remember the time in our lives when this or that happened. But sometimes we don't recognize those musically defined moments until they become a memory. And those moments don't have to be big. They can just be... moments. Hearing a new favourite song on the radio when you are brushing your teeth in the morning. Or something that sort of sicks with you while you're sitting on the bus. I was listening to Grant Lawrence's podcast from CBC Radio 3 celebrating International Women's Day. He was playing an incredibly wonderful and eclectic mix of Canadian artists to celebrate the day -- everyone from Sarah Harmer to Emily Haines of Metric. But when Alanna Stuart and Bonjay 's "Gimmee Gimmee" came ripping through my earbuds, I literally stopped everything I was doing just to listen. Like the bio suggests, you...

The Monkees were a major part of my pop culture upbringing and an early introduction to rock and roll for so many Generation-X’rs. I would rush home from St. Patrick’s Separate School at the end of the day just to see the Pre-Fab Four’s show. And even though I personally was a Mickey Dolenz fan, Davy Jones owned the hearts of the group’s female fan base. Davy Jones passed away this morning. He suffered a heart attack in Florida. He was 66. I remember my father mocking me and questioning why I liked the show and the music. It was clear from the beginning that inspiration for The Monkees was born from the fanatical success of The Beatles – and that The Monkees were ‘cast’ in their roles as members of a band. In the sixties, there was little appreciation for their music by the industry – partially because Jones and Dolenz along with Michael Nesmith and Peter Tork had little to no control over the music. That would change. Nesmith and Tork were musicians. Jones, like Dolenz, was predomina...

Simon Cowell might be a genius. The inventor of the square haircut and the white v-neck tee-shirt has come up with another swell idea. The former “American Idol” nasty is proposing a sing-off – between the winners from his old show, his current show “The X-Factor” and “The Voice.” I might have to gouge my ears out with a spoon before this makes it to air. But it is reminiscent of Battle of the Network Stars – and that’s a good thing. Battle of the Network Stars first aired in 1976 and starred people like Adrienne Barbeau, Melissa Sue Anderson and Pat Harrington Jr. competing is a series of physical challenges like volleyball and the baseball dunk while Howard Cosell commented on the ‘action.’ This is something I would watch. The cast of The Big Bang Theory challenging How I Met Your Mother to an inflatable kayak pool-paddle race. Charlie Sheen and Ashton Kutcher in foam sumo suits. CSI: Vegas versus CSI: Miami in the wheel barrel race. Now that’s good television. Captain Gabe Kaplan –...

While the world mourns Whitney Houston, you might have missed the passing of some other people who didn’t fall into the same fame-category as the Queen of Pop. Director Zalman King died after a long battle with cancer. He was 70-years-old. You might not know him but you probably know his work. He was best known for movies like “9½ Weeks” and the Showtime series “Red Shoe Diaries.” I never knew what to make of that show. Maybe I would have enjoyed it more if I was 12-years-old and told explicitly that I wasn’t allowed to watch it. Veteran filmmakers Andrew Wight and Mike deGruy died in a helicopter crash in Australia while working on a documentary for James Cameron. There is a horrible irony to this end – falling from the sky. Stuff they have worked on in the past included underwater documentaries for the ‘Titanic’ and ‘Avatar’ director. And Bill Hinzman succumbed to cancer at the age of 75. He may not have been a household name, but he did almost everything in show business; cinematogr...

I don’t know if there was ever a time when I thought listening to Whitney Houston was cool. In the eighties, her music and her videos were the essence of pop. And for a young man growing up with hair that was a little too long exploring everything from Springsteen to Def Leppard, Houstin wasn’t on my musical roadmap. It was reported today that the singer died. She was only 48-years-old. Only 48. Certainly the latter part of her life stole the spotlight from what was an impressive career. Her torrid relationship with Bobby Brown, her reported drug use and consequent abuse, and the questionable decline of the state of one of the most powerful voices in music – it all became almost more listenable than her music. It’s always a shame when someone so young and so talented dies. But a couple of things flew through my mind as my smartphone sung out a tone telling me and the world that she was gone. First she was labelled by the press as the Queen of Pop. The King of Pop was dead. Now, the Que...